My Race Report
As we fly over Istanbul on the flight to Amman Airport, I'm listening to David Gilmour's ‘Luck and Strange’, considering what lies ahead of me next week as I take on 220kms of ULTRA X Jordan for the third time.
I'm no stranger to Jordan and the Wadi Rum desert as I first raced here, way back in a race no one remembers called 'The Desert Cup'. Approximately 100miles (we'll never know as there were no way of tracking the distance) of sand and mountains that finished in a dark and deserted, and rather intimidating Petra.
Anyway, that was a lifetime ago and this is now. A million lightyears on from those analogue days of the 90s, and here I am twenty five years on, returning to experience living in the pink sand considering life and my very existence once again.
It sounds kinda dramatic and it is to a certain degree but it's also a time for reflection, gratitude and friendship. Here I'll be with friends and surrounded by positive people some of whom will become acquaintances perhaps, online I'll have other friends following my progress and of course my loved ones will be hoping that not only will I have a great time but also that I'll return safe and sound.
Jenny says the house is always quiet when I'm away. Maybe I'm just a noisy bugger eh? I know I'm missing the 106 King's Road soundtrack that accompanies my world already.
And it’s come at a time when I've never been busier and ironically I'm going 'dark' for a week as Wadi Rum is devoid of any phone signal whatsoever and my iMac is back home in Cardiff having a well-earned breather. Having that surgically removed earlier was quite painful I can tell you. Many tears…
However, a much needed 'timeout' will do me the world of good. Sure, I can jog along with some friendly faces and share life stories, but I'm also going to spend time in my own thoughts. It's something I've found extremely therapeutic over the years and hopefully I'll find some clarity in which direction to drive my energy when I return home.
I've decided I'm going to write each day I'm away not about the race, but about how it makes me feel and see where these emotions take me.
I know atm I'm feeling quite relaxed at 41,000 feet but that's probably the Diazepam speaking as I still need some help with my fear of flying and claustrophobia.
Tomorrow we head for the camp and the solitude - I mean, what's not to like eh?
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| My Rock... |
Registration Day
I'm sat on a rock above the first ULTRA-X Jordan camp, just as the sun is setting, and the first heavenly body is showing itself in the night sky.
It’s Mercury.
It’s the closest planet to Earth funnily enough (if you didn't know and I can explain) and a timely reminder that we are but a spec in the night skies ourselves, even though most of the time we believe the world revolves around us.
It's been a tricky day as it's the day we say goodbye to our connection with the modern world of telecommunications. A day where we lose connection with everything we hold dear and value. But then what are we really letting go of?
Sure my family will continue in its usual crazy way, schools will be attended, bedtimes evaded for as long as possible, and Jen will do all the parenting brilliantly without me.
My clients whom have let me into their world, will have to fend for themselves for a week until I return.
What am I really letting go this week is fatigue, familiarity and far too much white noise.
The simple things matter out here. I won't love my family any less, in fact it will underline just how much I need them, not how much they need me, and also how much I need to be needed by those that I coach.
Letting go of everything else isn't so hard as material things have no value in my world so being out here without them isn't an issue.
It's people that you miss - people that are part of your world - the only world that really matters.
Day 1 - Mercury Rising
Music has played a large part in my life and has accompanied every situation I've ever found myself in, including today of course.
As I covered the miles, my mind was a scramble of thoughts. There's a definite sense of privilege, not only in being able to come to Wadi Rum (which is highly recommended) but also to take part in this race.
And when Freddie and Queen, tickled my ear buds with 'Hammer to Fall' from the Live Aid concert some nearly forty years ago, it became the theme for many more hours of thought and mind unscrambling. I mean, when does anyone ever get an opportunity, such as this, to disconnect from their normal everyday life, to consider how they could system upgrade their future?
I know I don't - I'm always too busy to think about which direction I'm heading sometimes. The music helps though, and I love the creativity factor that goes into the songs. The multiple layers of instruments and voices that give the music depth and volume.
I finished the day off, with a Thomas Newman soundtrack, which made me think about life, its challenges and the films where his music has featured. Jen calls them depressing, I think they're a reflection of poor life choices. And I’ve made enough of them.
Life is all about 'choice' as I often say.
Away from the camp and I've found my familiar rock again, just where I left it in 2021 and 2022. Still warm from the days sunshine, marginally covered in sand, hiding some of its green hue, contrasted by the orangey-pink stone around it.
It's been here a long time, way before man probably and will remain way past no doubt, but for a few minutes of its existence it's had me in its world, sharing its welcoming heat as I look out from it across the landscape below.
My tea tastes somewhat better when sitting here than it does in the camp. The solitude and the silence are the perfect accompaniment for this desert song.
Day 2 - Talk Talk
In the late afternoon sun, the solitude and silence of my rock, is a welcome relief from the hustle and bustle of the race village. Strangers are becoming friends and the shared experience of the week so far is a good entry point to chat to new faces.
For someone that chats for a living, chatting seems a bit like a busman's holiday. But everyone has a story.
A few of the people here already know mine, but I love listening to theirs - some of which are truly remarkable, and far more interesting than mine could ever be. The simple thing is, we all need to talk. Talk about ourselves and talk about the things that we love as well as what we find challenging.
And sure it's challenging out here, but it’s not impossible - just like life itself. How many times have you thought, 'oh I can't do that! or 'that's impossible’ only to find that when you worked at the situation, things got sorted. It's the not asking for help, and endless procrastination that make things worse. And after having those inner-chats, the world feels a better place.
My world feels quite a warm and fuzzy place today as I've been invited into some other people’s worlds for a few brief minutes. What a privilege eh? And hopefully there will be similar conversations out there in the sand tomorrow.
It's good to talk...
Day 3 - Why?
It's a question I've been asked many times this week already. 'What makes you keep coming back and doing these races?' And I wish I had some cool kinda slick answer, but I haven't.
Maybe part of me wants to relive the adventure of being here running in The Desert Cup back in 1999. A lifetime ago without Garmin watches to see how far you'd gone and no gels to keep you going. Running was simpler back then. But what I didn't understand at the time was that I was making memories that would last a lifetime.
Sure the nuances of that race are extremely fuzzy now, but I can remember how I felt and how I could then use the momentum of finishing as a driver for the next few months of that year. The race is long forgotten but the feeling remains. Being thirty-seven years old seems a long time ago,
I wonder in twenty-five years' time, if I'll think about today with a similar warmth. I did play 'Sunrise' by Coldplay at dawn and felt a few tears of gratitude trickle down my cheeks - I hope that feeling stays with me.
Let's face it, there's no point if you are making memories but then can't remember them. I made sure I made some time to remember them today.
Which still doesn't answer the why question but hopefully you can read between the lines and get the idea of how doing this makes me feel - and today it felt great.
Day 4 - Reconnect
As the race draws to a close, my mind has started to think about my return to reality in in three days’ time.
‘Tempus Fugit’ , and it certainly does when you are disconnected from reality and all you have to think of is looking after number one, eat, sleep, drink repeat and travel a set distance from A to B.
The desert has been kind this year. Whether the sand has been less, the weather slightly kinder or I've been better prepared - who knows. I feel very calm and as I have nothing to prove. There's nothing on my agenda, just peace and tranquillity in my heart of hearts.
Has it been hard? - well some might say so. It's certainly not an easy way of spending a week however it feels just like it did in 1999 - kinda awesome.
Words can't describe the topography that looks like it's been created by a Roger Dean and Gaudi collaboration. The sands a spectrum of oranges, pinks and whites that change faster than a chameleon as you travel along the way.
At least I have one more day to unscramble some more thoughts and ideas during the last day of racing tomorrow. Before my reconstruction begins.
Day 5 - Completion
The finish line of any race always provides a crescendo of emotions. There's a sense of completion, of satisfaction and of pure elation of in this case getting through 220kms of soft pink sand.
Although I've been here before in 2021 & 2022, and many years ago in 1999-01, I've felt very much at ease and have an overall feeling of tranquillity. Whether that's because my home life, however crazy that can be at times, or my coaching business is buoyant I'm not sure - it could be, but it could also be an age thing as I really have nothing left to prove.
Making time to enjoy one’s successes is possibly a good thought process to come from this mental running retreat in the Wadi Rum desert.
Can you buy this serenity? Hmm, I don't think you can, you have to earn this state of decompression. I'm not sure this doing nothing except running will catch on as it takes a huge amount of effort - however all I can say is that the results are worth it, and I feel a whole lot better for being here this year.
The bigger challenge now perhaps, is to get back to the UK.
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| Petra's Secrets |
Petra Today I'm dusting off my kit and travelling back to Amman after a quick visit to Petra. Not my first and possibly not my last visit but an opportunity to have a 'Far Away Tree' moment and think of the many times my journeys in Jordan have ended here.
Like me, the ancient city has grown and matured since 1999, but its main attributes and qualities are still plain to see and wonder at.
For Petra, it's a case of modern world meeting ancient world - a time of change in a very precarious part of the world. I too feel this state of change. Whether that's because I've had a week away from the real world and have reassessed my direction or because there's a tidal wave of a change that is about to hit my shores.
I felt this way in 2016 and was gifted a healthy dose of GBS reality, and I certainly wouldn't like that again.
However, I'm feeling good to take on whatever's coming my way good or bad as after a week in the desert I'm in a euphoric state of wellness and calm - I mean what can go wrong...
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| Thinking in Petra |
And finally... I'm leaving a beautiful country behind and finally heading home. What will become of Jordan with its dramatic landscapes and warm people God only knows.
All of us who made the flight out, are very lucky. We are lucky to be heading back to our future. And maybe that's been the theme of this 'timeout' in the desert. A time where I've only ever felt at peace.
I hope that peace continues to be with me as I return home to Wales and my loved ones.
I wish you peace. And do everything you can to make sure that when you look back at your future you, have given it everything you've got, I did and placed 1st in the Over 60 category.
As-salamu alaykum
1,196 Marathons, 281 Ultras, 17 MDS & 1 Life
