Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer

The lights are on, but you're not home

I’ve been dry for 11,007 days, that’s 30+ years to you, and it’s my proudest life-achievement to date. Ironically, the 30 years follows a 10-year period, where I used alcohol to anesthetise and mask a deep unhappiness. This led to a self-loathing where an ever-increasing alcohol intake took me closer and closer to the point of no-return and a much-shortened predicted life-expectancy.

I didn’t become addicted to alcohol overnight. However, my drinking matched my moods - ‘Highs’ were celebrated. ‘Lows’ were equally celebrated. And each were just excuse to reach out for the strong lager that became an integral part of my daily life. During that time, I did have short periods where I could abstain, but my relationship at home wasn’t right, and drinking was a problem at work too as in the late 80’s and early 90’s lunchtime drinking was quite prevalent, and the pub became my office both during and after-work.

Life took a downward spiral with alcohol helping to paper over the cracks. Rather than facing up to my depression, I simply drank more and more and found myself in a much worse state afterwards feeling more depressed and in need of yet another drink. My second son was born in August 1993 and by Christmas of that year, I realised I’d been drunk every day of his life.

This really shocked me, and I hated myself even more for that. I also hated the person looking back at me in the mirror - and I decided that I needed to change. I’d reached my ‘Point-Zero’. The all time lowest of low points where things couldn’t possibly get any worse. I thought during the Christmas Holiday period about picking the right day to start my new life, with its new rules and standards.

Who I was going to be, what I’d do with the extra time I’d now have and who would be part of my new world. It became a very exciting prospect.

When you are addicted it feels like there’s no way out, no escape and no future but on 5^th of January 1994, my first day back at work after Christmas, I didn’t go to the pub as usual -  I went home with only one thought, I needed to go for a run. I felt overweight, toxic, unfit and totally ashamed as I set off on my first run of just 100 steps. Still in my work clothes and leather shoes as I had no running gear, I felt totally euphoric as I lay gasping on the pavement.

A few minutes later as I’d found my way out - the therapy that I’d use to get me through my alcohol recovery and a framework for the rest of my life.

My path out of addiction became a more of personal system upgrade where I felt although I couldn’t change the past, but I could shape the future. It started with a blank sheet of paper and I created a new me. In reality, it was more of a ‘Cold Turkey’ approach as a) I felt like I’d failed and I could no longer drink, b) professional help and medication didn’t really exist as such in 1994 c) I felt like I was on my own.

Even though the first runs were very short, running helped. It gave me a ‘time out’ to consider my future, where things had gone wrong in the past and decide who or what was enabling my addiction. My excess weight dropped off, I had a change of career and found out that I was actually good at running. My times became quicker, and the distances grew so-much-so that I ran my first marathon that November and replaced my alcohol addiction with the more positive sense of achievement that running long distances brings.

I feel very lucky to have escaped alcohol addiction all those years ago. I also feel very lucky that I can now help other people who find themselves in the same situation, whether it’s alcohol or drugs related. Being an ex-addict myself, I know how they feel and can show them what can be achieved with proper support and understanding. Feeling alone, without help and helpless only fuels the addiction cycle.

My 11,007 days will be 11,008 days tomorrow. Another piece will be added to my ‘Addiction Jigsaw’. A picture that I know will continue to grow at one piece a day for the rest of my life along with my community of clients that I now help. In my work I’ve found using social media has helped connect people and create a growing community. A community where people can share their thoughts, ideas and concerns. It also provides a platform to broadcast success, which is a vital part in showing that there is a way out of addiction to a much brighter future.

A future that you control, rather than controls you. A future where inspiration, education and investment will give everyone the opportunity of living a longer, happier life - addiction-free.

A better existence awaits…

1,178 Marathons - 276 Ultras - 9 GWR - 16 MDS - 11,007 Days' Dry