Powerless (Say what you want) - Nelly Furtado

'Too Tough for Wolf'

Lyric:- 'Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you, but when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do - Furtado, West & Eaton

Song Choice:- I chose this track because it reminds me so much of my running the 2004 km from London to Lisbon for Euro 2004, which was just a joyous, free-form, road-pilgrimage without borders, run of my life in contrast to the antithesis of a contradiction where I now find myself in a becalmed state of 'Powerlessness' unable to take even one step unaided.

Now, I'm going to make a promise here not to go on about how about how unlucky, pissed off, fucking annoyed or why me'd as I feel you know that already, and it doesn't help anyone especially me, move myself one step nearer to my big goal of walking unaided again in the near future and then going on to complete my 14th Marathon des Sables next year.

And it was listening to Nelly Furtado's, 'Powerless' song that got me thinking, about how the heck I'm going to do this, as at the moment it's takes me two days to get this far writing a blog where normally 20 mins does the lot as my brain has been pickled on a 'Sea of Opiates.' Also when you are in pain you simply can't string a sentence together speaking-wise or writing-wise it’s a curse which can only be described as being 'Powerless'. 

I ‘m ‘Powerless’ right now, I can assure you. I can't walk unaided and need two nurses to lift me off the loo. This is a tricky man oeuvre where I flush, pull up my pants and grab onto the door jam with one hand and a wall grab bar with the other, whilst they hold onto me, making sure I don't fall flat on my face...for dear life. They should have used it as the final part of the 'Gladiators' programme as instead of the 'Travellator.' Wolf would never have made it.

I've had a couple of near misses already, I can tell you, nearly head butting one of the nurses and getting my pants in such a twist, I nearly garroted a testicle! They are only a couple of carry-ons I could mention but it's the lack of 'Power' in my legs that's the killer. I'm only showing 10%* battery life and there's no charging point in sight.

The question is, and if the above statement's right, where's that 90%* of power going to come from? 

Will it come from those around me, or will it be drawn from the crazy world I've created within my head, which has always delivered in the past.    

The former, means letting down the drawbridge on 'Coleman Island' and letting in even more visitors than I already have - (very dangerous psychologically). Or I could stick to usual method of using gained experience from 'previous life skirmishes' to get me through. It's a toughie.

Right now I have so many people routing for me it's really overwhelming to think that hopefully I'll get through this present stage, with their help, whilst being totally immobile. The immobile bit is a complete mind bender…

Like most able bodied folk, I always thought that it would be terrible to be trapped in a wheelchair - Well it’s better than being stuck on a ward. The thing is though I can't push myself very well and I'm already on the totally untrustworthy list. Hopefully, I’ll soon be at that a level yet where folk can push me outside for a breath of fresh air with all the smokers.

But hey, I'm not moaning as I know this phase will pass. My good friend Sir Ranulph Fiennes let me into his hurt locker techniques on that one but if anyone is passing Cardiff and wants an 80kg workout followed by a coffee, please let me know as it will work wonders for me and wonders for your arm muscles. Whenever you are free.

People are amazing you know and Jeff Smith, you are an angel, a true angel and moved my mountain again today you bugger...I'm so lucky that I've been sensible enough to start letting down the drawbridge and it's working wonders.

It's bloody lonely up here on the 4th Floor, when the walls are closing in and it's your own shit that's hitting the fan, I can tell you...

More tomorrow.

Rory Coleman - Performance Coach 

976 Marathons - 241 Ultras - 13 Marathon des Sables - 9 Guinness World Records - 8167 Days' Alcohol Free.

World in Motion - New Order

Lyric:- 'Now is the time, let everyone see, you never give up, that's how it should be' - Allen, Sumner, Hook, Morris & Gilbert

Song Choice:- Well, this was an easy choice of song today as it's the well-known lyric from the 1990 England World Cup Song, World in Motion. It speaks volumes about 'Confidence', yes 'Confidence' and what's due from you when you are 'Full-of-It' and then what happens when the 'It' goes and hits the fan, like it has for me recently.

My week-long stay (so far) at The University of Wales Hospital, being treated for 'Guillain-Barre Syndrome', has only gone on to underline to me that my confidence in being a pretty bomb-proofed older typed athlete has come into question and that it will take some time to get my head around the process of all all that's happened to the deterioration  in my health and running since March 21st. I delivered an Average2Awesome Day in London to DixonsCarphone that day and felt destroyed for no reason at all. That, was the start of it all I believe and it puts me about seven weeks into the GBS timeline and hopefully means that I’ve passed the lowest point of the illness itself.

There’s lot of theories, too many marathons, not enough sleep - there are always people whom will play the ‘Wear and Tear Energy Vampires Card, telling me that I’m over the hill and they could be right as and even I noticed a few years ago, that a lot of male runners, around the 55-56 mark, just seem to give up long distance running for good and are never heard of again. Seems a shame to give up after building up all that endurance and I don’t want to stop at 56 as A) I’m nearly there already and B) There’s still so much I want to do, running. Getting the 'World in Motion' BTW, isn't as hard as ‘Keeping the World in Motion’ and if you want to do that, you'll need a lot of help there I'm afraid. 

On a much lower key, I've decided to get my world back into motion today and that will take courage and I'll need a lot of outside help for sure as I try to get back to my old self. I could have penned the Duran Duran lyrics above, myself – ‘Now is the time, let everyone see, you never give up, that's how it should be' as it's in pure ‘Coleman-Suck-it-up-Buttercup-Mentality’ for sure. You have to be firm and fair, in my game but maybe I'm going to add a drop of compassion in to my days and see how that helps folk along too.

One thing I do know for sure is that there's a lot of pretty ‘broken’ people, just like me out there, trying to recover from their own particular ‘brand of Guillain-Barre Syndrome' - My mission is to use this period of time for rest, realisation and research, that will hopefully take my career and personal development to the next level. 

More tomorrow… and get the most out of today - PLEASE!

Rory Coleman - Performance Coach 

976 Marathons - 241 Ultras - 13 Marathon des Sables - 9 Guinness World Records - 8163 Days' Alcohol Free.

Empty Spaces - The Pink Floyd

A Million Miles from Here - But I'll get there...

Lyric: How shall I fill, The final places? How should I complete the wall - Waters

Song Choice: Simple, I need some Empty Spaces'.

Christian, who works as part of the crew at the Marathon des Sables, ‘phoned me from France, yesterday morning to ask me how I was. That was my first cry of the day. You see, when you’re ill, everyone wants to know how you are getting on, Facebook and Twitter is a great way of telling folk the basics, but the truth is some people actually want to come and see me, speak to me, call me about what I’m going through 'Are you feeling any better?' 'How long do you think you'll be out of action?' 'What the fuck is that you've got again?' 'Where do you think you got it from?' and ‘Is it Contagious?’ It’s been so heartwarming…

Sadly, I've only got a couple of the answers. I know I have a very serious condition known as Guillian-Barre Syndrome (GBS), I've just ‘Googled’ it again because it's early, and my spelling has become noticeably worsened and I’ve just frightened the shit out of myself again, reading their stories. There’s plenty on-line you can read about what happened to other people that were also unlucky to catch GBS, if you do and then you'll see why beating it, is going to be my biggest ‘Life Challenge’ ever.

All I have to think about now is getting better now and keeping myself mobile as I can to shorten the recovery period for my legs as right now, they are my ‘Weakest Link’.

Life’s becoming a routine of drugs and infusions right now and it's the nights that are the worst. When I say they are the worst, I mean they are Really, really, awfully fucking BAD, Sleeping on a bed is impossible and in a chair very uncomfortable but if I add in a tour of my ward on a Zimmer Frame, it helps make the darkness eventually goes in what I’ve called a ‘Pain Period’.

This ‘Pain Period’ brings out the worst in me too. My in built fear of being claustrophobically suffocated or restrained and makes me a pain in the backside and really affects my mood - It’s actually the antithesis of the life I lead. of enjoying the freedom that my running passion and my business exploits bring.

Yikes, how can I complain today as physically it hasn't been that tough on me, in fact. I've cried with gratitude being visited by a two separate friends that had driven for hours and hours from the other end of the UK just to come and see me and say, ‘What can I do to help?'

It’s a totally overwhelming…and cheered me up no end.

The shame is, that can’t make the pain go away. Right now as I can't lie in bed, I'm sat hunched next to 6 inch gap of an open window on the second floor of the hospital just breathing in some cool fresh air to try and keep my claustrophobia and the pain at bay.

It feels like all my Armageddon’s have come at the same time, by some crazy lining up of the planets including yesterday’s problems (with Uranus - that are still out of this world).

What does it all mean? Well it means that I’m getting nearer to seeing the full GBS Big picture which is going to help me no end.

More tomorrow…

Rory Coleman - 976 Marathons - 241 Ultras - 13 Marathon des Sables 9 Guinness World Records - 8162 Days' Alcohol Free.

www.rorycoleman.co.uk