Re-enter Sandman - Metallica

It takes time for things to return to some level of normality when you’ve been out there in the desert. I’ve had time to process what happened and I’ve had time to reflect. This isn’t a race report of the 250km ULTRA-X Jordan and its relentless less soft pink and orange sand, extreme scenery and star-filled skies. It’s more of a look into my mental-state and my mindset that surrounded undertaking what is, without question, a super-tough life-event.

You’d think with thirty-four marathons in the tank this year, (five of which were in the ‘Jordananesque’ sand in Merthyr Mawr) I’d be super-prepped for an average of 50km per day in terrain not too dissimilar to that of the dunes of South Wales. Thing is, you can arrive, be as fresh as a daisy, be running marathon PBs and feeling your fittest ever only to be caught out by not being mentally ready to adapt to the environment and moment in which you find might yourself.

I’ll be honest and say I ran on experience and faith that my previous nineteen desert races would get me through. A vital part of race preparation are the months leading up to the event where there’s time to build fitness, confidence, and belief. My late entry gave me only thirty days to research the race and gather the essential kit together. Something I certainly wouldn’t recommend to any of my clients – but then again, I was racing on experience wasn’t I – something you can’t pack and something you can’t buy I always say. I mean, what could go wrong?

Trying to understand the PCR UK escape rules and jump through the hoops of foreign travel blew my brains and only added to the headache of avoiding Coleman-Covid at home. wasn’t good. Being told just prior to departure that I was profoundly deaf in my left ear by my GP was the icing on the cake and I’ll be honest, it filled me with panic – deafness is one of my real phobias. And if I’m honest I’d worked myself into a bit of a black hole, especially as my claustrophobic brain took over as the plane jetted down the runway at Heathrow. I’d have quite happily gotten off the plane right there and then, written the race off as a bad experience and gone into hiding in darkest Cardiff in a blink, but how embarrassing would that be?

Only that’s not what I’m about is it? I spend my life telling people not to give in and never quit. I do whatever I can to help folk succeed – making sure folk to stick at it and beat their inner demons. So, wtf was I doing? By now I had Tourette’s with plenty of effing and jeffing - The cabin-crew were amazing, offered me their finest Jordanian wine (sadly no use to me) and let me prowl around the plane for five hours walking a very slow 2500 steps up and down the aisles. My claustrophobic world had suffocated me. And to follow, a race hotel where the window didn’t open and a long coach-ride out into the desert where I really struggled to catch my breath. It made me feel very vulnerable.

 

All I could do was run… and make the most of the opportunity to be away from it all.

 

And as the race started to unfold, I came up for air. It didn’t have the comfort and familiarity of the Desert Cup or Marathon des Sables for reference. The race was different, it was an unknown and had unknowingly caught me out – only in reality I’d caught myself out and it took until the 72km day long third day to get ‘it’ and I started to feel less out of my depth. Sure, my desert race-craft had gotten me through but instead of being last but one to CP1 on day one, I started to pick off runners less than half my age, which is always good for the ego and finishing days further up the list – towards the end of the week I started to really enjoy the whole experience.

 

More so when ‘Arthur the Osteopath’ cracked my neck and cleared my Labyrinthitis and suddenly I could hear again…

 

I enjoyed it so much that I’ve signed up for 2022 but this time I’ll be taking some of my previous clients and friends with me to enjoy the whole ULTRA-X Jordan experience with me. Hopefully, I’ll have some time to myself where I can process my inner thoughts, conquer more demons, and return wiser from another week in the Jordanian Sand under the stars.

 

Sometimes it’s good to be challenged, feel out of your depth and be frightened. It’s even better when you win! 

 
Amen

1,111 Marathons, 260 Ultras, 15 Marathon des Sables, 3 Desert Cup & 1 ULTRA-X Jordan