10,000 Days - It's a long time without a pint...

If you’d told me 10,000 days ago that I’d still be living alcohol-free some 27 years later, I simply wouldn’t have believed you.

Has it been hard, well if I’m being totally honest, not really. Has there been some triumphs and tribulations along the way - well of course there has, but that’s life isn’t it. And in this rather self-congratulatory styled blog, rather than projecting a perfect picture of alcohol-free living perfectness - how about I explain where it’s been tough. As that’s the only interesting part for you…

The Lost Years…

Those were in the late eighties and early nineties although I’m not sure when they really started - they just did. I just kinda lost my way, big time and let myself go. I thought at the time I was in control but in reality I became a total pratt.

Booze makes you a pratt. A pratt to yourself. A pratt that everyone else can recognise but yourself.

Giving Up

Now there’s the giving up and then the not giving up. It’s a crazy equation where the first giving up in reality is the hardest part. It took me two years to finally admit that I needed to terminate my alcohol addiction . Talk to any drinker and the excuses will just pour out. I know, I wrote most of them!

The not giving up once you’ve started giving up, gets easier though and as the day tally adds, the desire not to mess up the clean-streak helps re-build ones confidence.

Times of Crisis

Anyone thats experienced a close family death, a messy divorce or being made redundant will tell you that a drink probably helped them through when the going got tough. I’ve experienced all of those situations in the last 27 years but have held fast and not reached out for the emotional crutch.

Times of Joy

Now you’d think this would make abstinence easier but in fact it’s a really dangerous time as our culture associates celebration with a drink. I mean, what would a Grand Prix or FA Cup Final be with a nice Cup of Tea instead of a bottle of bubbly. 

Mindset

What I have learned is that it’s down to mindset if you want to get through this or any other life-threatening situation you might find yourself in - and that’s where I’ve succeeded - if you can call it a success.

Projection

The legacy, if I can call it that, is that from my experience I can project some of that mental conditioning to others - that’s been the best part of the whole process.

Where it goes and how that grows, well keep watching this space as it’s part of my life now till the end of my days and I clock up my final number of days. In the mean time, I’ll keep going, keep running and keep on changing lives, for as long as I can. 

Amen.

10,000 Days' Dry - 1,092 Marathons etc.

Countdown to Success - T 10,000 -18 Days

It’s okay not to be okay. I know that as 9,982 days ago, I certainly wasn’t okay. Does waking up feeling paralysed from the inside knowing that things will just be the same at the end of yet another day of inner turmoil and conflict sound familiar? It was the knowing that there was no escape from my inner thoughts and self-hatred that drove me to the brink of what I call my ‘Point Zero’.

At ‘Point Zero’, the place where nothing, and I mean nothing, could ever get worse, i finally asked for help. It’s the moment where I ‘reached out’ - only in reality it’s way past the point where I should’ve. Looking for friendly eyes or the listening ear of someone that could find the light in my darkness felt like defeat.

 

The thought of calling one’s Doctor or confiding in a work colleague would’ve felt like failure, especially if one’s demeanour status has been projecting ‘fine’. Back in late 1993, I’d spent months being outwardly ‘fine’ but in fact was dying inside. It was only in January 1994 that I finally found the strength to reach out and make life-changing decisions of career, relationship and behaviour that would shape my entire future.

 

On doing so, I immediately felt back in control, relieved both mentally and physically as well as feeling positive and excited about my future. It was still okay not feeling okay as I knew it wasn’t going to last forever - it was over and it immediately felt more like a temporary blip where I could decide how and when it would finish.

 

It was even okay not to be okay when I was ill with Guillian-Barre Syndrome back in 2016. Being able to reach out for medical help and support and break my predicament down into bite-sized chunks really helped my whole recovery process. And true to form, it worked. It wasn’t perfect, but then nothing ever is, is it? It was just down to adopting a fresh state of mind. One where I realised that my world had more than one occupant.

 

In both cases, I found that I needed help from other people - a need to reach out and confide. A definite no-no in my earlier life but one now that I’m happy to say I’ve fully engaged with. Soldiering on, putting on a brave face, endeavouring to deceive everyone including yourself is a recipe for disaster and if that’s where you secretly find yourself today. 

 

SHOUT and SHOUT LOUD, to those around you that matter or are willing to listen. It could be the best thing you ever do.

9,982 Days Alcohol-Free - 27 Years of Success - 1,089 Marathons

The Eight Stages of Addiction Escape…

Addiction is always a hot topic and escape from its claws can be a lifelong trial for some. Being somewhat of an addict myself, I didn’t know that these stages really existed. I just did what most folk do when they are in ‘Addiction Peril’ - namely pack up, mess up and try again.

Now, I’ve seen some very promising and talented individuals end up becoming all consumed by their dependence on a complete spectrum of booze, drugs and behavioural traits. Even the acknowledgement of their situation is too much to take on board, which takes me nicely onto stage one.

1. Denial

We all know folk that are in ‘Denial’. Yes, acquaintances that have no idea that they are out of control or endangering themselves and the lives of others. Their once a month occasional blow-out, has spiralled into a daily need. It’s a process that happens all to quickly and It’s amazing that ‘a-once-in-every-28-days-kinda-thing’ can become an all-consuming ‘28-in-28’ necessity. I’ve been there myself, fingers in my ears, blocking out the observations of my nearest and dearest as I continued my self-destructive behaviour. Put simply, some folk are quite happy killing themselves.

2. Acknowledgment

Becoming aware of an Addiction takes time. It feels like the Addiction has slowly crept up on you - sort of when you weren’t looking. The glass of wine after work to unwind has become two, three, a bottle - two bottles, every day. Every morning has become a bit of a battle to get out of bed and the first few fuzzy hours are hastily coffee-filled as the day finally clears around lunchtime to start the whole process again. When I speak to daily one-bottlers about seeing three and four bottlers I always find it amusing how they say, ‘I’m not that bad’, but they are - they just haven’t ‘acknowledged their precarious position, yet. 

3. Not Today

When they have, well that’s when the ‘Dithering’ starts. Do you know an ‘Addiction Ditherer’? Yes they’ve ‘fessed up. Come clean. Acknowledged their situation but are really nowhere nearer sorting it out. This stage can last the longest and I’m sure we all know serial cigarette smokers for instance that say ‘I’d love to give up’ yet really you know they never will as they love smoking too much or feel like they’ve smoked for so long that there wouldn’t be any health benefits to be gained. How wrong they are and at over £10 a packet - how much poorer they are too. I remember being at stage three for some time before plucking up the courage for Stage Four as that, takes balls.

4. Next Week

Yes, picking YOUR day, the day that can change your life forever. I remember mine most clearly - the 5th January 1994. It took a huge amount of strength and personal realisation that I needed to change. Realising my ‘Self-failure’ and ‘Weakness of Character’ was a bitter pill to swallow. Admitting to myself was one thing, admitting it to someone else - well that was another matter, so I spent a fair bit of time in the ‘Next Week’ stage as there’s nothing more frightening than standing on the edge of a new future minus your best friend - Addiction.

5. Action

But then you take a deep breath and jump, it’s exhilarating. It’s fun to be free. Full of Adrenalin and positive thoughts. Well for a few days anyway, until the cracks start to appear and the hunger pangs of addiction start eating away like worms into your brain - consuming your inner resolve and goodwill. And don’t get me wrong, some folk grab freedom at the first opportunity. One short, sharp shock being all that’s needed to reverse the addiction tailspin in a single dose. If only it happened like that for everyone.

6. Failure

On average, it takes four times through the ‘Action-Failure-Cycle’ - an average. The ‘F’ word of Addiction is so condemning. For those looking for eternal abstention we’ll say from booze - the day count is there as an incentive as well as a final condemnation of defeat as the clock resets to zero and the whole process starts over. Food Addiction? Well, that’s more of a ‘Grey Area’ as even the mighty weightloss success stories I’ve helped to create will admit to a few sins along the way. Some folk take failure as a given when setting out on achieving their goal - I’ve always been mindful that any hint of failure must be put out of mind for success to happen and the ‘F’ word to happily ‘F’ off. 

7. Action

And back it’s back to Stage Five, well Stage three really if you really need a run up to tackle your obsession once again. I get the ‘Learning from Failure’ analogy and as a nation we love someone winning against the odds - succeeding after a making a complete balls-up the first time round. Only too often, this becomes the norm and folk become Yo-Yo Slimmers, Drinkers and worst of all Negative-Thinkers. My advice is always to look ahead with a blue-sky attitude - where the possibilities of life far outweigh the Kryptonite that’s attacking your inner resolve. Only thinking about successfully completing the next 24hrs in your quest to become the ‘Real’ you. The one that isn’t distracted, behaviour obsessed - one that feels calm and liberated. 

8. Termination

And when you are free, you’ll look back and wonder why you ever got so addicted in the first place. Why Booze, Drugs or Food became such an emotional crutch and such a problem. You might not even know you are a ‘Terminator’ - I didn’t. I set off on my journey just seeing if I could complete just one day, then a month and then a year. My obsession to do something has become an obsession not to do the same thing. A positive outcome from a dark time that’s now hidden in the vaults right at the back of my mind that’s now covered in a layer of positivity and achievements that mask any notion of a Stage Six Failure and continue to encourage me to help those who find themselves in a similar predicament.

So, let the battle begin. Addiction or Compulsive Behaviour of any kind eats away at the soul. Each morning, we get up with the best of intentions accidents happen, things go wrong, don’t go to plan or we plainly have a shitty day. Staying strong in these moments, well that’s the key to success as it’s easier to live life clean when things are going well.

9. Call me...

And if any of the above rings true, well it’s time for a change. Time to be free of the ‘Burden of Addiction’ and time to be AWESOME. 

So contact me and I'll help you start living a cleaner, happier, longer life - Amen.

1,059 Marathons - 255 Ultras - 9 Guinness World Records - 15 Marathon des Sables