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| This is something that just can't be understood - Peart |
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| I'm the first inline - Anderssen/Ulvaeus |
It just wasn't for you. There were people that were better qualified, interviewed better or were more suited in someone else's view - that's down to opinion and there are many times I've felt overlooked or robbed by folk I've been trying to impress.
But again, I say, 'so what'. You can't tick everyone's boxes and be it's good sometimes to rejected to realign your strategy and nine times out of ten - it will come as a blessing that your deepest wish didn't happen and that your second option came true. That's a common theme in every success story - take it from me.
And if you are stacking all your options on Black and Red comes up well that's life, but there's always a second chance of success.
1,234 Marathons - 290 Ultras - 18 MDS - 10 GWR - Never looking back
For a shallow piece of dignity - Bradfield
The price of aspiration
Changing your lifestyle, is more than just purchasing products or things. It’s more about health, image, status, and identity. It’s not about owning a pair of designer shoes or driving a sports car, it’s about embracing a fresh set of life values.
Lifestyle mechanics
Your lifestyle encompasses the way you live. Your habits, your interests, activities, attitudes, and values. It reflects what you prioritise and how you wish to be perceived. And often you’ll be drawn to people you admire and wish to be like.
Brands recognise the power of lifestyle marketing. Companies like Apple, doesn’t just sell phones; it sells sleek minimalism, creativity, and innovation. It’s all about being connected. Consumers don’t just buy a product; they buy a piece of a lifestyle, hoping to signal to themselves and others who they are, or who they wish to be.
Lifestyle psychology
Why do people buy into a lifestyle? It’s about identity. We humans are social creatures with an inbuilt desire for belonging, status, and self-expression. Lifestyle brands tap into these needs by offering symbols that communicate such markers. A Rolex watch, for example, may signify not just wealth but also sophistication and success.
Psychologists suggest that aspirational spending (the tendency to buy goods that reflect an idealised version of yourself) can be driven by self-discrepancy. People perceive a gap between their actual self and their ideal self, and spending becomes a bridge to close that gap.
When we feel insecure about our social standing, appearance, or achievements, and purchasing something associated with the lifestyle we admire can temporarily soothe those anxieties. Hence, we feel more confident and more ‘ourselves’.
This is compounded by social media, where images of lifestyles are constantly featured. Instagram influencers, YouTubers, and TikTok creators portray a perfect life filled with luxury travel, flashy clothes, and designer homes. Viewers are bombarded with videos suggesting that happiness, success, and social acceptance are only attainable if they buy into the right lifestyle.
The financial costs
Buying into a lifestyle doesn’t come cheaply, both financially and emotionally. Many people find themselves trapped in a cycle of aspirational spending, purchasing goods and experiences that stretch their budgets in order to project the perfect image. Credit card debt, financial stress, and dissatisfaction follows. You can accumulate designer handbags, gadgets, and an expensive gym membership, but if these purchases aren’t aligned with their true value, the results lack value.
Moreover, lifestyle purchasing can perpetuate feelings of inadequacy. No matter how many symbols of success one can accumulate, the ideal lifestyle always remains tantalisingly out of reach. There’s always a newer model, a trendier style, and a more exclusive club to join.
This cycle erodes self-esteem and mental well-being. We become trapped in a game of comparison, constantly seeking external validation through material symbols.
So, how can we navigate the allure of buying into a lifestyle without falling into its many traps? One approach is to adopt making choices aligned with your personal values, needs, and long-term goals rather than succumbing to external pressures or fleeting desires.
Potential consumers should ask themselves questions like:
Buying into a lifestyle is a powerful concept shaped by personal aspirations and psychological dynamics. It reflects a desire to align one’s external identity with an internal ideal, to bridge the gap between reality and wishes. Whilst lifestyle consumerism offers moments of confidence and belonging, it often comes at a price.
And rather than being swept along by aspirational marketing and social media illusions, we can make a lifestyle that authentically reflects who we really are, without succumbing to the pressure of buying an identity.
Your own identity and one that comes from true fulfilment and not from the accumulation of status symbols.
A design for life.
1,234 Marathons - 290 Ultras - 18 MDS - 10 GWR - 1 Life
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| I blame you for the moonlit skies - Archer |
‘I blame you for the moonlit sky and the dream that died with the Eagle's flight’ – Archer
In truth, we like to ‘Blame’ everyone but ourselves. It’s down to something I’m told called ‘Psychological Projection’, which is a theory in psychology in which the human ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.
Yikes, that’s deep and no wonder Tasmin Archer was so upset back in 1992.
Anyway, if you’ve ever watched ‘The Apprentice’ – I love the part of the show where the Candidates are trying to save themselves by ‘Blaming’ everyone else in the Boardroom for their team’s failure. The scene is a perfect example of ‘Psychological Projection’. The way they latch onto the minutest detail to try and convince Lord Sugar that even though they’ve messed up themselves, someone else has messed up more and they need to be fired. Luckily Sugar’s BS meter usually catches them out, which not only makes great viewing but underlines that we all love to point the finger at the weakest link or in some of the programmes I’ve watched, the greatest competition.
You see, I believe we’ve been hard-wired into ‘Blame Culture’ over recent decades – as they say ‘Where there’s ‘Blame’, there’s a claim’. Nowadays, banks are reeling from PPI Claims and Personal Injury Lawyers are advertising on TV during Jeremy Kyle commercial breaks, trawling for new business from folk looking for easy cash.
Yes, there’s money in ‘Blame’.
For some folk I meet and for some I’ve worked with in the past – they deserve ‘Blame’ but somehow are Teflon-Coated. The ‘Blame’ just runs off them, like water off a duck’s back - nothing sticks. They always have the perfect excuse and it’s never their fault. Try and pin some ‘Blame’ on them and it’s like trying to nail jelly to a wall – it just ain’t gonna happen!
So, why do they come across that way?
It could be that they have narrow bandwidth of opinion. Maybe, they are 50:50 folks not looking to rock the boat. They exude a of ‘Middle of the Road’ attitude that’s agreeable to everyone enough so not to be abrasive enough to ruffle other folk’s feathers. And as they’ve never had any confrontation, confrontation doesn’t find them.
‘Sticking your neck out’ or having a ‘Strong Opinion’ – well you may as well say ‘Blame Me’ as folk no doubt will. It’s human nature to hand it out to those that stand out.
Are you ever wrong?
You never make mistakes? - well I don’t believe you. No one’s perfect. Sure, if you are right or if your sound and experienced opinion is being contested – fight. If you’re not, why not be honest and just own up and move on. If you are wrong and cover it up and then get found out – well that’s a proper sin. The ‘Reply-All’ email was designed for such occasions I believe.
You know the ones where a colleague emails you to tell you that you’ve messed up, made a mistake or have been duplicitous – and sends it to ALL your colleagues and bosses as well, highlighting just how awful you’ve performed. As if it wasn’t bad enough to make a mistake, they tell the world about it too – don’t you just hate them?
And even though it’s ‘Tomorrow’s Chip Papers’ – it’s bloody annoying and one of ‘Blames Cultures’ more sinister aspects I think. Broadcasting ‘Blame’ on others in order to deflect attention from one’s own mistakes, especially at work – well that really sucks.
No, I believe it’s much better to be more introspective about ‘Blame’. ‘Blame’ starts within by taking responsibility for our actions and standards. It’s just that ‘Blame’ can’t be measured. We simply know it exists and use it to describe how things have gone wrong for us in the past.
Here are some translations:-
Folk ‘Blame’ their education – maybe, they weren’t open to being taught. School is all about finding out what sparks your imagination and rarely folk end up doing what they went to Uni for.
Folk ‘Blame’ their parents – we’re not children very long and we make our own life-choices. I understand that not every childhood is a bed of roses, but adulthood brings choice and a world of opportunity. Where that road takes us is up to ourselves and no-one else.
Folk ‘Blame’ their partner – with a ‘Divorce Rate’ of 50% in the UK, it’s not surprising that there’s ‘Blame’ attributed to one or both of the parties in any partnership in crisis. Stating the ‘Blame’ of the collapse of a marriage is part of the court proceedings to see if it’s worthy of a divorce. A simple ‘It’s my fault, let’s move on’ would be a far cheaper option rather than the usual court ‘Blame Battle’. The only ones who win, are the Lawyers.
Folk really will ‘Blame’ anyone but themselves.
Trying not to be a ‘Blame Victim’ when things are going wrong can be super-tough. I know. During my GBS illness it would have been far too easy to say that it had ruined my life and to have lived out the rest of my years feeling very bitter and twisted about how it’s physically and mentally changed me.
And naturally, when you find yourself in such a situation, you look at who to ‘Blame’. Was it a disease? Who gave it to me? Was it something I ate?
Well it could have been self-generated. A payback of years, pushing my body beyond its limits and the stretch of my immune system. Who knows. I’m always proud to say that during 30+ years of running, I’ve never been injured – I haven’t, but in the case of GBS, maybe - I have.
It’s ok though and I don’t ‘Blame’ myself – I’m happy with what I’ve achieved and where I am. You see, I’m someone that doesn’t have the ‘Blame Gene’.
Being honest about yourself, what you do, what you project and how you live life will stop you ‘Blaming’ the world around you for your predicament and today could be the day to take the ‘B’ word out of your vocabulary – You never know.
1,234 Marathons - 290 Ultras - 10 MDS - 18 MDS - Zero Blame
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| We belong together - Styles & Harpoon |
Whether is made me think about her being so far away and how much I miss her or have missed her ever, I'm not sure but it was an overwhelming feeling of sadness.
Just saying and maybe take a listen yourself and see if it tickles your emotions too.
1,234 Marathons - 290 Ultras - 18 Marathon des Sables - 10 GWR - Many tears
We all know that losing weight is a challenging journey, requiring not just physical effort but also mental resilience and a considered lifestyle change. Whilst individual motivation and discipline are crucial, research and real-life experiences suggest that losing weight in a group setting can be significantly more effective. This effectiveness stems from various psychological, social, and practical factors that come into play when people work together towards a common goal. Being part of a group leads to better outcomes, sustained success, and a more enjoyable experience overall.
Social support and accountability
One of the most powerful benefits of a group is the social support that people provide to each other. The process of losing weight can be lonely and frustrating, particularly when progress is slow, or the dreaded weight-gain occurs. In a group, people share their experiences, struggles, and triumphs with others who are going through similar challenges. This shared experience creates a sense of camaraderie and understanding, making it easier to stay in motivation city.
Moreover, being part of a group introduces a level of accountability that is often missing with solo efforts. When individuals know they have to report their progress to a group, it can increase their commitment to their goals. The desire not to disappoint others or appear as if they are not trying hard enough can push individuals to adhere more closely to their weight loss plans. This accountability is a strong motivator, as it helps people stay on track, even during tough times when they might otherwise be tempted to give up.
Peer power
Peer influence is another significant factor that makes group weight loss more effective. We’re social creatures, and are influenced by the behaviours, attitudes, and habits of those around us. In a group, positive behaviours, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, and consistent progress, can be contagious. When people see others succeeding, they are likely to feel inspired and motivated to achieve similar results.
Conversely, when someone in the group is struggling, the collective encouragement and advice from others can help them overcome their problems. The group can offer practical tips, emotional support, and even a friendly nudge in the right direction, which can make a significant difference in that person’s ability to persevere.
Emotional and psychological benefits
The emotional and psychological benefits of a group are infinite. The journey to losing weight often involves overcoming deep-seated habits, emotional eating, and psychological barriers. Being part of a group that understands these challenges can be incredibly comforting and empowering.
People offer empathy, share coping strategies, and celebrate even the smallest of victories that might otherwise go unnoticed. For instance, someone might be struggling to see progress on the scales but has noticed improved energy levels, better sleep, or a drop in clothing size. In a group setting, these successes are recognised and celebrated, which boosts morale and reinforces positive behavioural changes.
Furthermore, the sense of belonging to a community can alleviate feelings of isolation or inadequacy that often accompany weight struggles. Knowing that others are facing similar challenges helps normalise the experience and reduces the stigma or shame that some individuals may feel about their size.
Competitive spirit and shared goals
Another reason why losing weight in a group is effective is the element of healthy competition that often arises. Whilst the primary goal is to support each other, a little friendly competition can spur people to push themselves harder than they might do on their own.
This competitive spirit, when balanced with support, can lead to much better outcomes. People are often more motivated to perform well when they know others are watching and when there is a tangible goal to strive for. Additionally, setting shared goals as a group can create a unified sense of purpose and drive collective progress.
Improved adherence and sustainability
One of the biggest challenges in weight loss is maintaining long-term adherence to healthy habits. Many people who lose weight quickly regain it because they struggle to sustain the behaviours that led to their initial success.
People in a group are more likely to stick with their weight loss efforts because they feel a sense of responsibility not just to themselves, but also to their peers. The ongoing support and check-ins provided by the group can help individuals stay focused on their long-term goals, even after they have achieved their initial weight loss targets.
Moreover, the relationships formed in a group setting can lead to lasting social bonds that continue to provide support and encouragement long after they’ve reached their goal. These connections can be crucial in helping individuals navigate the challenges of maintaining their future weight.
So, my question to you is - Is it for ME?
1,234 Marathons - 290 Ultras - 18 MDS - 10 GWR - 1 Great Group
Most folk say they want to make the change but what holds them back is the fear of shame. However, everything we do is confidential, and that first step doesn’t have to be that frightening. It feels like jumping into the abyss and it’s no wonder people get scared. It can be very, very frightening to say the least. And if you are about to unlock Pandora's box then it's very easy to say to yourself, ‘Hmm, maybe I’ll do it tomorrow’.
If you're going to change your lifestyle, eject some friendships, take a different career path or choose a different relationship, it's like setting off a nuclear bomb, inside your head as are literally vaporising your existence and whatever you are known for, you might not be anymore.
Even if you're not happy with who you are, it requires a leap of faith to change it as you are going to change your identity and probably ditch the people you’ve surrounded yourself with, as they have the similar poor character traits to the ones you are trying to exclude.
It’s going to unsettle a lot of people because you are not going to be the same person that you were before. You're not going to be the drinker, the smoker, the hell-raiser as that identity is going to disappear.
Friends will try to entice you back into your old ways saying, ‘You’re no fun anymore or come on, one drink won’t hurt’. You're no longer their partner in crime. The friendship which was cemented by alcohol won’t exist any longer and the common ground you once shared will disappear as will the friendship.
I can remember the day I became a non-drinker so vividly.
Back then I would go to the pub every night after work. We were in the printing game at the time, and five o'clock had become the five o'clock club. I’d would walk in cigarette in hand and knock down the first of many pints of lager.
I’d stay for about two-and-a-half hours and then leave slightly the worse for wear. That was how it was for me back then and, of course that is how it still is for many people. But what happens is you start getting home later and later and then not going home to save the inevitable arguments.
The giant leap for ‘Rorykind’ step didn't happen overnight and without any planning. I didn't just decide on the 5th of January 1994, to start my new life, that process had actually taken about eighteen months.
It had taken eighteen months because I had to get my own act together before I could then come out and tell the world. I’d previously reached out to the Samaritans, which was the first step. I just phoned them in the middle of a Metallica set during the Freddie Mercury tribute concert on April 20th, 1992.
Watching the show, I felt out of control. I just thought, I've got to do something.'
That was the first step, my 'point zero' where things from then on could only get better.
By October '93, I was starting to ‘circle the drain’ again and by Christmas I knew that if I didn't do anything, I would soon reach the point of no return. Every day I was unhappy. Every day was an embarrassment. Every day I felt a bigger failure than the day before.
I entered a melancholic state of thought, 'Is this it, is this what life has in store? I was 31. I was unhappily married. I had three kids at that stage, I smoked too much and every day I woke up with a headache. It was like, 'What am I doing here?'
Every day you drink more to get to the same state of calm and happiness. For me that was as much as maybe 5-10 pints in a day. It was a lot of lager.
Thirty years ago, the world was a very different place. We didn't have people or places to reach out to for help. We didn't have social media to find others who'd survived the same predicament. We didn't have the celebrity endorsement of sobriety.
What we did have was a big bottle of man-up pills. All you needed to do was take a few and line up the next pint. And when you’ve had one pint, you may as well have another, and another, and another. Getting off that treadmill proved virtually impossible. I can identify with people who are in that situation and if they've reached out to me, they've already left the diving board and that’s the first step of their recovery.
They're free falling into a new phase of their life. A new life they’ll need to experience to see if it’s for them as sometimes people lose their identity as they simply don’t recognise the new person, they see now see in the mirror.
Let's say, for example, the person is no longer grossly overweight. They're no longer the gargantuan person with this larger-than-life personality that everybody liked. Suddenly, they feel part of their charisma has gone. Part of their personal 'Wow factor’ has disappeared and they are now blending in with everyone else.
There are plenty of comedians and singers who’ve done exactly that. They’ve dined out on careers of being a larger-than-life character and after losing their excess weight lose their routine and revert to type.
That's the thing, when you commit to change with me it is a rebirth, a complete rebirth. And it’s amazingly quick. It’s a case of your personality trying to keep up with your shrinking body. I endeavour to bring things into three-month cycle where in just 90 days we can bring about the most significant amount of change.
Remember the six weeks of the summer holidays we had back at school? It's a bit like that. Six weeks when you were a child seemed like an eternity, but for an adult it’s a month and a half – double it and there’s enough time to move a mountain.
Stick at it and before you know it, tweleve weeks has become six months. You can lose six stones in six months. As a percentage of your life, it’s nothing, a time where breakthroughs are a daily occurrence. Getting the boulder to move is the key and before you know it, it's rolling down the hill faster than Indiana Jones can escape.
I have taken people from twenty-three stones to thirteen stones and then to run the Marathon Des Sables in just 209 days. Taking someone grossly overweight to be fit enough to survive the world toughest foot race speaks volumes for getting into the right mindset.
My client was easy to re-program, as he wholeheartedly wanted to make the change. He was 100 per cent willing starting with a meagre 15,000 daily steps, building quickly to 25,000 and beyond.
If somebody is doing that, you know they mean business. He really wanted that change. He'd met a person I’d previously transformed and had thought 'Well, if you can do it with them, you can do it with me.'
Before working with me he'd become disenchanted with how he was spending his life, what he was doing to relax, what he was doing for entertainment and adventure. He went from a very sedentary life and decided that there was a world of fitness out there and that he wanted to be part of. A new tribe, which sounds a bit culty, but what I’ve created is a safe environment in which to change. It's very caring place and one in which to live the dream that I’m still living myself.
And the dream, of course, is to live a long, happy fruitful life. And for me, it's about achievement within that life. I wanted and still want to achieve. I wanted to make my mark on the world, a footprint on humanity.
If it's your own Wikipedia page that floats your boat, well that's fine. If you discover a cure for leprosy or even produce time travel, then that's also fine.
‘Endeavour to be remembered for something’, is what I say. In a lifetime, we waste time, and the fact is, I don't want to waste a moment.
People, me included, have wasted a lot of life. We do it through a combination of poor choices, bad luck and surrounding ourselves with the wrong people. One day you wake up in a bad dream and think, 'Hold on a minute, what’s going on and why am I doing what I’m doing?’
I've witnessed it with clients. I've stood people on the scales and have said, 'Congratulations, you're 25 stones.' And they go, 'Oh, I thought it was about 20 – but 25? Really?' People just don't realise their predicament. They say, ‘I knew it would be bad, but not that bad’.
Waking up in the cold light of day makes for a real moment of realisation and a great opportunity to reach out for help.
What makes me different from other people offering help and advice out there is the method and the promise. I try and treat the whole mind and body. It's a universal approach to health and fitness.
We try to look at every aspect of life to get them all in balance, so that the thing that you’re keen on pursuing and pushing towards has a firm foundation. We endeavour to fix home, work, relationships, children, money, debt: the list is endless. Knowing those details gives me an idea about what's going on. From there we make a fully tailored programme. We're talking about life here. We're talking about the future. We're talking about the big picture.
If we're going to fix that, we’ll need to fix everything.
When I work with a client, I’ll make a lot of suggestions. A lot of what I do is opening people's minds up to possibilities of things they’d never previously considered. I'm not some kind of drill sergeant. I'm not ‘The Terminator’. I can't force change or make you go to the gym. Even if you do 90 per cent of what we plan, you'll still succeed. I like to be seen to be supportive but fair.
But that doesn't mean I’m weak, and I don't suffer fools gladly. I am critical but being critical doesn't have to be a negative thing either. This is about being honest.
I'm not a big 'Well done!' person because if you are 130 kilos and you've lost 50 kilos, do you need me to say, 'Well done?' It's obvious that you've moved a mountain. I've entered your world. We've got rid of the fat but hopefully and more importantly we've identified why you gained the weight in the first place.
We've stopped the behavioural trait that’s overshadowed so much of the past and now we can build a brighter future. And when the process eventually comes to an end and it’s time to fly, I’ll be there cheering you on.
But first, there's a weaning off period where we’re no longer holding hands. When I’ve worked with people throughout out their journey, hopefully we’ve discovered the answer to future happiness. It’s the right solution. Onwards, it feels like their making their own plans. And if they pursue it, in the belief of its of their own doing, they're more likely to follow it.
When you jump into this new world, you’ll need some idea of where you're going. There’s a vision of where this journey will take you but actually where you’ll end up is often completely different. The route takes lots of twists and turns and lots of detours but that's part of the fun.
It happens every time. I can't think of anybody that has just said, 'I'm here now, I want to be there tomorrow,' and everything then followed the script. People develop, the process develops.
I said to someone the other day that they would make a great teacher. Kids would love them. And they replied, 'Well, yeah, I do like kids.' I said I thought they they'd be just perfect for teaching – why not go and investigate it?
I believe it’s their vocation in life and could be the adventure that they've been looking for in life. People never think they're extraordinary. They never think that they can become an extraordinary person.
It's all about taking that first step.
1,234 Marathons - 290 Ultras - 18 MDS - 1 Life
