Lyric:- 'I gave up my pride'
As my recovery progresses, lots of folk have asked me what the hardest/worst part of having SIDP. Was it the paralysis, the pain, the uncertainty...Nope, for me it was the fear of falling over.
It's a very unusual feeling I can tell you because in my case my legs would buckle beneath me at literally any moment. It took over my whole body and mind. After three such occasions where I fell, one of them being a perfect 'Del Boy' type of fall backwards where I cut my head wide open scaring my friend Jeff Smith to death - I finally scared myself to death too.
That fear was a real bugger to get rid of and for well over a couple of months of recovery any standing or walking even on a frame or with crutches was accompanied by an underlying feeling of biting the dust, big time. It's so easy to break a bone or rupture ligaments with SIDP you see.
As you recover though, then suddenly, the fear goes...The negative thoughts disappear and standing upright is dead east again. My confidence in staying upright has been fully restored, I'm glad to say.
The human mind, is an amazing thing. I'm not sure if my reaction was a kind of auto-safety one or simple self defence, but it certainly put a massive limitation on my world.
But then everyone has their own self-imposed limits don't they? And if your not careful, it's really easy to get frightened of the simplest thing.
Being able to overcome those fears? Well that's the tricky part. Being open to change? Well that's the bit you can work on as it's amazing how soon things that once seemed a massive problem, can disappear.
I'm still very much 'work in progress' but then we all are and maybe it's a good day to look at your own fear(s) and see if you can leave some of them behind you today.
Don't give up your PRIDE.
Rory Coleman - 976 Marathons - 241 Ultras
13 Marathon des Sables - 9 Guinness World Records - 8283 Days' Alcohol Free.
Location: Pembroke Road, Cardiff, United Kingdom