Song Choice:- A great track from Gabriel's third studio album from 1980. Take a listen as the sound is most interesting as there are no cymbals in the drum kit which I've always found a little unnerving especially as it's Phil Collins playing and he normally plays, cymbal happy!
It's the 'I Don't Remember' bit that's really relevant for today's blog as I've had a few hours' home visit to #48 Pembroke Road from Rookwood Hospital in nearby Llandaff. I say nearby as it's only 1.3 miles to the front door but for the past 38 days, it might as well have been a million light years away as my only focus has been getting better and feeling safe back in hospital after a disastrous five weeks in June/July.
Was I worried about going home today? Well, not really as Jenny did all my worrying for me as well as her own.
Was it different to the last time I went home? Well, to be honest, I just can't remember.
I do remember getting frightened, really frightened and being plain dangerous most of the time so it's no wonder Jenny watched me like a hawk all day today. She didn't need to worry though as I will only do what I know I'm capable of during this period of recovery from SIDP and I took it easy. However, it has now made me fully aware of how people around me have been affected by me and my condition these past five months.
Anyway, today was different...
I'm no longer a jibbering wreck on a Zimmer-Frame. I can just sit down in my favourite armchair and not have to pluck up courage from sleeping on the floor using every part of my body, including my chin to get myself up to a sitting position.
But most of all, I felt like a Man, a Husband, a Father and a real person again which is just priceless. Ok, I'll have to wear skateboard armour around the house for a while to get Jenny's confidence in me back again as she's been more traumatised than I've been by my SIDP, especially having been pregnant with son Charlie during the whole thing.
Luckily for me though, I don't remember too much about being a nightmare and today has reprogrammed my memory to being at home post illness, otherwise maybe I'd be very nervous around me too and I'd never readjust to life at home.
So here's a question. How do you affect the people around you? Do you make them nervous? Do you need to take a few hours out to build up their confidence in you?
It's worth it, I know.
976 Marathons, 241 Ultras, 9 Guinness World Records, 13 Marathon des Sables, 8256 Days' Dry