|'The Real Rael'|
Song Choice:- If you are ever confused, my advice is to listen to some Genesis from their 1974 concept album 'The Lamb lies down on Broadway'. Watch out though, as it won't make things any clearer but hopefully it will relax your mind into accepting what you are experiencing and where you might be travelling in your life next. Don’t ask me where I'm going or where they were going back then, as I don’t know and I don't think that the band knew either. By that stage they had become a very disparate collective and although it’s probably their finest work, the Album and its creation went on to implode their very existence, sadly right at their peak. You’ll have to listen yourself to see where I’m coming from and just how great and alive the tracks are.
Now, I’m going to write a trilogy of blogs to try and exorcise my current thoughts. Don't ask me where this blog is going to go over the next three days, because I haven’t got a bleedin’ clue but the of 'Chamber of 32 Doors, Lilywhite Lilith and Anyway' are tracks that I've always enjoyed as they seem to offer a higher mental plane of thought and absentiesm Sometimes the music helps me explore the depths of my grey matter and I thought I’d try and use these tracks to unscramble some of my current scramble…
Well it’s a worth a go as I'm confused. Or maybe just ‘Brain Fogged’ is a better analogy.
Well it’s the best I can come up with right now as it’s hard to put a phrase on it and even harder to explain. I could attribute it to being my ‘Big elephant in my head-space’ as a sort of bi-product of last year’s,‘Guillian-Barre Syndrome’? But that sounds like a bit of a cop-out to me. Or is it just my ‘Non-cop-out’ stiff upper-lip denial that’s causing my confused state. Whatever that confused state is, or even if there is one to be confused about, can you appreciate why I feel ‘Brain-Fogged’.
When ‘Googling’ about it I read, ‘Many people who suffer GBS, whether they make a full physical recovery or not, will also make a good psychological recovery. They will find ways of coping with any ongoing problems and will put behind them the fears and stress associated with the acute illness. However, it is becoming increasingly clear that in GBS, as in better-researched illnesses such as heart attack or stroke, a significant proportion of sufferers do continue to experience severe emotional disturbances.’ 'Fuck me! That didn't help much...
So feeling only more confused, I returned to the lyrics.`You see, I get the ‘All the voices shouting loud' reference as that’s a definite contributor to my ‘Mental Tinnitus’. It’s still there ringing away more as a dull white noise all the time if I’m being honest and perhaps my own brain is my ‘Lilywhite Lilith’ helping me through the crowd. It’s more like the blind leading the blind though and even though I feel that I’m in a ‘Tunnel of Night’ I am hoping that one day or some-day soon I’ll see the corner of the tunnel lit up by whatever’s coming my way… Well that's what happen's to Rael on the album...
The thing is it’s more like a ‘Land of Confusion’ and it’s one that I’m trying to escape from but right now I can’t literally run fast enough from or even at all some days. The feeling or being lost or loss in fact is the one that is clouding my thoughts.
It’s easy to say look where you’ve been and look how far you’ve come but it’s doesn’t make things any better.
Nothing will until a blaze of white light fills the air - Let's see if the Chamber of 32 Doors will shed any light tomorrow.
Rory Coleman - 982 Marathons - 241 Ultras - 13 Marathon des Sables
9 Guinness World Records - 8,447 Days' Alcohol Free.
& 1 Inspirational Running Memoir - Get your copy here.
Location: Caerdydd, Cymru