Monday, 16 May 2016

Powerless (Say what you want) - Nelly Furtado

'Too Tough for Wolf'
Lyric:- 'Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you, but when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do - Furtado, West & Eaton

Song Choice:- I chose this track because it reminds me so much of my running the 2004 km from London to Lisbon for Euro 2004, which was just a joyous, free-form, road-pilgrimage without borders, run of my life in contrast to the antithesis of a contradiction where I now find myself in a becalmed state of 'Powerlessness' unable to take even one step unaided.

Now, I'm going to make a promise here not to go on about how about how unlucky, pissed off, fucking annoyed or why me'd as I feel you know that already, and it doesn't help anyone especially me, move myself one step nearer to my big goal of walking unaided again in the near future and then going on to complete my 14th Marathon des Sables next year.

And it was listening to Nelly Furtado's, 'Powerless' song that got me thinking, about how the heck I'm going to do this, as at the moment it's takes me two days to get this far writing a blog where normally 20 mins does the lot as my brain has been pickled on a 'Sea of Opiates.' Also when you are in pain you simply can't string a sentence together speaking-wise or writing-wise it’s a curse which can only be described as being 'Powerless'. 

I ‘m ‘Powerless’ right now, I can assure you. I can't walk unaided and need two nurses to lift me off the loo. This is a tricky man oeuvre where I flush, pull up my pants and grab onto the door jam with one hand and a wall grab bar with the other, whilst they hold onto me, making sure I don't fall flat on my face...for dear life. They should have used it as the final part of the 'Gladiators' programme as instead of the 'Travellator.' Wolf would never have made it.

I've had a couple of near misses already, I can tell you, nearly head butting one of the nurses and getting my pants in such a twist, I nearly garroted a testicle! They are only a couple of carry-ons I could mention but it's the lack of 'Power' in my legs that's the killer. I'm only showing 10%* battery life and there's no charging point in sight.

The question is, and if the above statement's right, where's that 90%* of power going to come from? 

Will it come from those around me, or will it be drawn from the crazy world I've created within my head, which has always delivered in the past.    

The former, means letting down the drawbridge on 'Coleman Island' and letting in even more visitors than I already have - (very dangerous psychologically). Or I could stick to usual method of using gained experience from 'previous life skirmishes' to get me through. It's a toughie.
Right now I have so many people routing for me it's really overwhelming to think that hopefully I'll get through this present stage, with their help, whilst being totally immobile. The immobile bit is a complete mind bender…

Like most able bodied folk, I always thought that it would be terrible to be trapped in a wheelchair - Well it’s better than being stuck on a ward. The thing is though I can't push myself very well and I'm already on the totally untrustworthy list. Hopefully, I’ll soon be at that a level yet where folk can push me outside for a breath of fresh air with all the smokers.

But hey, I'm not moaning as I know this phase will pass. My good friend Sir Ranulph Fiennes let me into his hurt locker techniques on that one but if anyone is passing Cardiff and wants an 80kg workout followed by a coffee, please let me know as it will work wonders for me and wonders for your arm muscles. Whenever you are free.

People are amazing you know and Jeff Smith, you are an angel, a true angel and moved my mountain again today you bugger...I'm so lucky that I've been sensible enough to start letting down the drawbridge and it's working wonders.

It's bloody lonely up here on the 4th Floor, when the walls are closing in and it's your own shit that's hitting the fan, I can tell you...

More tomorrow.

Rory Coleman - Performance Coach 
976 Marathons - 241 Ultras - 13 Marathon des Sables - 9 Guinness World Records - 8167 Days' Alcohol Free.

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