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| 'Too Tough for Wolf' |
Lyric:- 'Cuz this life is too short to live it just
for you, but when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do - Furtado, West
& Eaton
Song Choice:- I chose this track because it reminds me
so much of my running the 2004 km from London to Lisbon for Euro 2004,
which was just a joyous, free-form, road-pilgrimage without borders, run of my
life in contrast to the antithesis of a contradiction where I now find myself
in a becalmed state of 'Powerlessness' unable to take even one step unaided.
Now, I'm going to make a promise here not to
go on about how about how unlucky, pissed off, fucking annoyed or why
me'd as I feel you know that already, and it doesn't help anyone
especially me, move myself one step nearer to my big goal of walking
unaided again in the near future and then going on to complete my 14th Marathon
des Sables next year.
And it was listening to Nelly Furtado's, 'Powerless'
song that got me thinking, about how the heck I'm going to do this, as at the
moment it's takes me two days to get this far writing a blog where normally 20
mins does the lot as my brain has been pickled on a 'Sea of Opiates.' Also
when you are in pain you simply can't string a sentence together speaking-wise
or writing-wise it’s a curse which can only be described as being
'Powerless'.
I ‘m ‘Powerless’ right now, I can assure you.
I can't walk unaided and need two nurses to lift me off the loo. This is a
tricky man oeuvre where I flush, pull up my pants and grab onto the door
jam with one hand and a wall grab bar with the other, whilst they hold
onto me, making sure I don't fall flat on my face...for dear life. They
should have used it as the final part of the 'Gladiators' programme as instead
of the 'Travellator.' Wolf would never have made it.
I've had a couple of near misses already, I can tell
you, nearly head butting one of the nurses and getting my pants in such a
twist, I nearly garroted a testicle! They are only a couple of carry-ons I
could mention but it's the lack of 'Power' in my legs that's the
killer. I'm only showing 10%* battery life and there's no charging point
in sight.
The question is, and if the above statement's
right, where's that 90%* of power going to come from?
Will it come from those around me, or will it
be drawn from the crazy world I've created within my head,
which has always delivered in the past.
The former, means letting down the drawbridge
on 'Coleman Island' and letting in even more visitors than I already
have - (very dangerous psychologically). Or I could stick to usual method
of using gained experience from 'previous life skirmishes' to get me
through. It's a toughie.
Right now I have so many people routing for me
it's really overwhelming to think that hopefully I'll get through this present
stage, with their help, whilst being totally immobile. The immobile
bit is a complete mind bender…
Like most able bodied folk, I always thought that it
would be terrible to be trapped in a wheelchair - Well it’s better than
being stuck on a ward. The thing is though I can't push myself very well and
I'm already on the totally untrustworthy list. Hopefully, I’ll soon be at that a
level yet where folk can push me outside for a breath of fresh air with all the
smokers.
But hey, I'm not moaning as I know this phase
will pass. My good friend Sir Ranulph Fiennes let me into his hurt locker
techniques on that one but if anyone is passing Cardiff and wants an 80kg
workout followed by a coffee, please let me know as it will work wonders for me
and wonders for your arm muscles. Whenever you are free.
People are amazing you know and Jeff Smith, you are an
angel, a true angel and moved my mountain again today you bugger...I'm so
lucky that I've been sensible enough to start letting down the drawbridge and
it's working wonders.
It's bloody lonely up here on the 4th Floor, when the
walls are closing in and it's your own shit that's hitting the fan, I can tell you...
More tomorrow.
Rory Coleman - Performance Coach
976 Marathons - 241 Ultras - 13 Marathon des Sables - 9 Guinness World Records - 8167 Days' Alcohol Free.
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